Negative thoughts ugh :(

My state of relaxation has been interrupted. Negative thoughts and fears have crept into my head. I'm not sure what triggered them but they are here and I'm having trouble shaking them. I think it's because I've had time to think about how this time there is no doubt I'm the infertile one, the only infertile one and this hsg is really going to happen and what the outcome could possibly be. It's strange but I'm more afraid of them not finding anything wrong than of them finding something wrong. I feel like if they don't then I'm at square one. How can my infertility problem be addressed or corrected if they can't find the source? What if what they find is beyond repair or beyond my means? Then of course the questions lead to the will I ever get pregnant? I don't believe in my body and it's so hard to have faith in something that has never happened. There is a deep gutting sadness that comes with infertility that I can't even begin to explain. A feeling of isolation of being an outcast.. I feel less able to relate to my loved ones and OH as I'm sure they feel about me. That takes a toll on your heart and soul. I told you I'd write about the bad.